


The Misadventures of Intern Kevin

by whatsername4



Category: Supernatural, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural (TV) Fusion, Alternate Universe - Welcome to Night Vale Setting, Kevin Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-20 04:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2415539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsername4/pseuds/whatsername4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin was glad to have been raised from the dead, really, but he isn't sure if living in this strange desert town was any better. Shit was weird enough with the Winchesters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Now Hiring

“Listeners, Big news… a strange boy has just arrived in Night Vale. And when I say just arrived, I mean he suddenly popped into existence in our studio. Passed out on the snack and sacrificial ritual table. The late intern’s birthday doughnuts have unfortunately been compromised. Where did he come from? And what troubled past does he bring to our small town? I believe an interview is in order… Oh! Listeners, the stranger is beginning to stir.”  
Cecil rose from his seat and crept toward the figure lying on the ruined pastries, going as far as the corded microphone would allow.  
“His fingers are twitching- h- he has sprung his upper body off of the table, gasping for air. He takes in his surroundings with eyes wide and dilated in animalistic terror, his hands running over and around the sockets. He pokes and pulls at the skin. His eyes are unfocused as he lowers and stares at his hands. They are trembling. He is trembling. The dark shadows under his eyes can only hint at the horrors they have been victim to. He is so very tired- ”  
“Where the hell am I?!”  
“… And very irritable.”   
The young man jumps off the table and lands with shaky legs. He stumbles over to the man standing in the doorway of a recording room only to stop and lean on a bookcase a few feet away from his destination. His legs feel dead, he hopes that blood will circulate back into them soon. But he needed answers right now.   
"Where am I, and where is Gabriel?"  
Cecil, who was never fazed by anything, was unsure what to say to this panicked teenager. This whole situation was so strange, even for him.   
"Uhh, there is no Gabriel in this town. Not even on the secret polices’ list of people who do not technically exist. Is he a stranger like you?"  
"Seriously? He’s an angel. Short, blond, has a sweet tooth… Snarky? You can’t miss him! No? Damn it. That asshole said he and some lower angels are supposed to watch over me. So much for being my guardian."  
Cecil handed the dark headed stranger a half empty mug of coffee and nodded for him to go on.   
"He said he was going to take me somewhere safe, where I needed to wait until things blow over… Please, this day has been messed up enough, just tell me where I am."  
As soon as Cecil opened his mouth, the double door behind them burst open and sickly green mist filled the room. A hulking, grotesque silhouette filled the doorway; it shrieked and moaned in many voices.  
"What the hell is that?!"  
"Get down, it’s station management!"   
“Unscheduled interviews are unacceptable, content has not been screened for PUBLIC EAARRSSSSS. This was your final warning, you will not leave this studio aliv-"   
A great piercing sounded through the building as three tall figures crashed through the ceiling, exposing the room to the desert night sky. The figures stood, shining brilliantly as a barrier between the humans and the beast. Station management roared about the additional intruders and the cost of repairs for the ruined roof.   
The boars head of one of the angels rolled its’ eyes and told station management in a bored tone that the prophet was under their protection and said that “if any harm came to Kevin Tran, prophet of the everlasting Lord, those responsible would be cast into the Void for the rest of eternity, or you know- whatever. No skin off our nose.”  
Once Station management collectively slithered back into its’ office, the angels tossed their business card at the feet of the two humans and then disappeared as abruptly as they came. Cecil turned to Kevin and stretch his arms wide as if to present some exaggerated grand reveal.  
"Welcome to Night Vale."  
Kevin stood dumbstruck and almost didn’t realize that the radio host had finally answered his question. Cecil walked back to the sound room as the weather was just finishing. But more pressing matters were at hand for Kevin.   
"Those… Those things were not angels. I- I have seen angels before. They are supposed to look like accountants!"  
Cecil stared hard at the giant, gaping hole in the ceiling that the not- angels had created in their entrance. He clenched his fists in contained rage.   
"No… No they are not angels.”  
Kevin sat outside of the sound room and waited for the radio show to end, he needed to come up with a plan of how to survive in this nightmarish Underland. As if his life wasn’t weird enough before with the Winchester brothers. Not even an hour ago an angel resurrected him and said his “part wasn’t finished yet”, and dropped his ass in the middle of nowhere. With no money, no friends, and no plan. Again.   
Cecil walked out and made a face when he saw the prophet sitting on the ground.  
"Oh, you’re still here." They both knew he already knew he was waiting. "Do you have anywhere to stay? What will you do now? I would offer my couch, but…"  
Kevin could hear the reluctance in the man’s voice and decided it would be wisest to lay down for mercy. He had absolutely no where to go.   
"I don’t know how long I will be here, I don’t even know where to go. Please, is there anything you could do to help me out? Even just to find work?"  
Cecil slid his eyes to the interns desk in the corner of the room, and then back to Kevin’s tired face. A Night Vale Community Radio internship position did just become available a couple hours ago…  
"Weeeeell we do need a new intern, since our last one, uh, ‘quit’. Hmm… Intern Kevin. Now that has a pleasant ring to it, doesn’t it?"  
Of course Kevin readily accepted the offer. It was unpaid, but it included food and a place to sleep. Apparently studio interns had the “honor” of living in the studio building for the first month on the job. Which meant sleeping on a twin mattress in the old coat closet. joy. He would have to talk to the not- angels about living choices later.   
Kevin stared at the closet door as he listened to Cecil lock up the studio for the night. He turned away from the cracked door and closed his eyes to search for sleep.   
Despite being dead for so long, he was exhausted.   
I had a weird ass dream like this about a month ago, and it’s been bouncing around in my brain ever since. I thought this would be a fun cross over to write. Should I keep writing about intern Kevin?


	2. The Library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, finally! Sorry for updating so late, I have been swamped with school, work, and teaching. I would like to thank Osricchaumander for helping me edit these chapters, and giving great ideas! Chapter three should be up right after burcon, I will hopefully get a big chunk done that weekend.   
> Thanks, and enjoy!

It had been a week and a day since Kevin landed in Night Vale when Cecil sent him outside of the studio for the very first time.  
Well, he had technically seen outside of the studio through the still gaping hole in the roof, but that didn’t really count. Kevin was relieved to leave the cluttered studio, if only for a couple hours. Cecil sent him to go pick up a few books from the library, just the books on “science”. He thought it was strange that he didn't specify on book titles and that he kept making finger quotation marks every time he said science.

Kevin continued to walk and observe the strangely familiar things of the town. They have a Ralphs, an Arby’s, and other seemingly normal places that remind him of home. This place really did look like some desert town off the beaten path, except… The inhabitants. People stared at the ground they walked and shadows of human forms caught the corner of his eye. Others openly stared at him as he walked and had the audacity to hiss! Okay! Okay, he got the picture, he was not welcome here. He quickened his pace and continued to follow Cecil’s directions.

When he finally arrived at the Library, Kevin was apprehensive to say in the least. Of course, this is also a consistent aspect of his character, so most people ignore it. There was no one within a half mile radius of the library. One would think that it was abandoned if it wasn't for the lone car, a brand spanking new BMW none the less, parked out front. He shook off the uneasy feeling creeping on the back of his neck and climbed the stairs leading up to the main entrance of the library. Okay. The haunted, drawn out creak of the double doors definitely had him on edge now. This place was empty, it didn’t even look like there were any librarians working. Well… None that he could see anyway.

The front desk was clear of books that should typically be there and the surface showed that it was recently dusted. Kevin wandered through the barren halls and reading rooms, trying to find the damned science section. He was about to give up and call Cecil for help when he caught sight of a bookshelf with a faded sign that read “Science” above it. Quotation marks and everything. ‘Finally!’ he thought in neither praise nor agitation. He was itching to leave this creepy library, the unnatural silence was starting to mess with his head. He could almost swear that he heard light taps following him every so often since he walked into the building. Much to his surprise, there was a grand total of seven books sitting on the shelf in all of the science section. It was by far the most pathetic collection of science books he had ever seen in a library. And all of them were on plant biology! Kevin groaned in frustration, gathered the books in his arms and started to make his way into the main room of the most ridiculous library he had ever stepped into.

He mentally raged at the lack of science material offered to Night Vale. He wasn’t even that into science, but he was still pissed. Honestly he always found history and government classes much more interesting. This wasn’t even his town, but someone needed to do something about this! For now the best thing to do was to share his concerns with Cecil as soon as he got back.

When he entered the main library he noticed that the walls were graffitied with crude writing. Some were quotes he recognized by authors such as Fredric Nietzsche and Franz Kafka, others he could not identify. It vaguely reminded him of the quotes that were beautifully painted on the walls of the library from his own home town. Hundreds of quotes from pages of beloved books and mouths of poets. He remembered reading them as a young child, having no idea what they meant and asking his mother to read him the passages of where they came from. As he got older, lines seemed to pop off the walls when he finished reading their sources. Most of the quotes were familiar to him by the time he was a junior in high school. It was like his own personal puzzle, and even now he regretted not being able to know the homes of every word painted on that wall. It was stupid to be upset over something so trivial, but it was his first personal challenge- to one day know the origin of every line. It was likely that he would never see that library again. 

As he lost himself to memories from another life, a dark figure dashed past the corner of his vision. Kevin spun around to confront whatever was stalking him to unexpectedly find something that one should never be surprised to find in a library. The figure that was slowly taking books from a caddy and placing them on the bookshelf with meticulous care, was a librarian. A sigh of relief sprang from his lungs, of course it was a librarian! What else could it-  
At the sound of his sigh, the librarian whipped around and glared at him with impossibly sunken eyes… Ahh- okay, make that several sunken eyes! All focused in on Kevin’s horrified face. The creature raised a stick-thin finger to its mouth and released a sound that seemed to echo throughout the entire building.

“SSSSSSHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

In all of the time he spent with demons and the Winchester brothers, he had never seen anything so hideously terrifying. The thing in front of him rose far higher than any human should be capable of and revealed eight arachnid- like legs beneath the polyester blend skirt. It began to approach slowly, legs softly tapping against the worn-down floorboards. Kevin felt as if his feet were fused with the floor as the chimera drew nearer. He started to regulate his breathing, so as to not excite the great monster before him. His brain went into overdrive in trying to regain control of his body. 

‘Focus, you need to move.’   
The librarian stopped and was now standing less than a foot away.   
‘Okay, right now…’   
The creatures face came even closer,enough where he could see his own pale face reflected in several glossy eyes.   
‘Fuck, now, now, now, nOW- YOU NEED TO LIVE, RUN YOU IDIOT!’  
Kevin’s body finally responded as he hauled ass across the hall and locked himself in the nearest room he could find. The doomed prophet gasped for air and sank down to the floor, leaning against the honey colored door. He tossed the books aside and pressed his palms in the sockets of his eyes as he waited for the adrenaline to dull its roar. He needed time to think of a way out of this.  
“Those doors are made of Grecian cypress, imported from the Island of Delos itself. Very rare, very expensive. Cypress is one of the only things that can keep those hideous librarians away.”

Kevin sprung to his feet at the sudden voice. Only to come face to face with a middle aged man standing in an extravagantly decorated room. The fact that this man was completely naked registered a few seconds too late for Kevin’s abused eyes.

The distressed intern tried to block the vision of pale nudity with his hands. “Wha- oh come on, man! Why?!”  
The nude man scoffed and raised his hand to exaggeratedly point at the two of them, “Because I own this room, and because I can. Now, why are you here? This is a private wing. I really should have you thrown back out for intruding.”  
Modesty all but forgotten, Kevin pleaded with the haughty man.  
“No! Please, just let me call my, er, associate and find a way to escape. Then I will leave immediately. And trust me, I want nothing more than to never come here again.”

The man clicked his tongue in annoyance and tossed a cell phone at Kevin without a word. Even though this man was rude, and still in fact very nude, he smiled and breathed a thank you as he dialed Cecil’s cell number. It rang four times before he finally answered.

“Mr. Vanston, what and unexpected surprise-“  
“Cecil! Cecil it’s me, Kevin. The, uhh, intern. Look, I really need help. This giant freaking mutant spider is trying to kill me. I need back up or something, send the police! This naked guy is going to throw me out soon, and the science section is just depressing-“  
“Intern Kevin? Listen to me… Take a deep breath, calm down…”  
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Everything was going to be okay, Cecil will know what to do.  
“Better? Okay, now Kevin, this is very important… Did you get all of the books on science?”  
He opened his eyes and looked at the pile on the floor with confusion. “Well, yeah.”  
“YES!” Cecil’s voice boomed over the phone, “I was so worried that bastard Steve Carlsberg had checked them out already! Ha take that, Steve. ”  
Kevin felt his stomach drop to the soles of his feet. His sanity was teetering on something dangerous, a place between rage and despair.  
“Cecil. Why are these books so important?”  
“Carlos and I, ehehe that sounds so cute, need those books for our date tonight. We are cataloging local plant life for his research.”  
“Are you kidding me? Y-you send me on a personal errand for your boyfriend?!” He felt his hands tremble once again.   
“W-well we haven’t made it official yet, I was actually planning on asking him tonight- when I give him the books he has been looking for. Isn’t that romantic? I mean, that is romantic, right?”  
Kevin raked his nails over the scruff on his cheek in irritation “Ughh I can’t believe this! You asshole, I might die here!”  
“Just be sure to make it to the studio by the end of the show. We are all counting on you, Intern.”

The line went dead. Okay… New plan.  
Kevin tried to even his breathing as he wracked his brain for information, anything that he learned from the Winchesters about killing spider monsters. For Christ’s sake he researched just about every kind of monster there was for those idiots, there had to be at least one case to help him now. He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged at it, as if physically trying to draw out the memory he needed. But nothing came up. He had no idea how to kill these “librarians”, or even how to get out of here. He sank back to his spot of marble floor, banging the back of his head against the Cypress door.  
“That’s it.” thud  
“I’m screwed.” thud  
“There is no way I’m getting out of this fucking place alive.”  
Thud, thud, thud.  
Marcus Vanston sneered at Kevin’s vulgar language, but said nothing. He continued to sip at the martini he made and began his after bathing ritual. The scent of peppermint and rosemary permeated the space almost immediately.  
“Wait.” thud  
Ow.

Years ago, back when he was still an over-worked high school student from Michigan, the house he lived in had a spider problem. And his mother… His wonderful, fierce, beautiful, damned brilliant mother had a secret of how to keep spiders away: Peppermint oil.

Kevin got up and made a beeline to the still nude man and snatched the bottle from his hand. He ignored the complaints of the man and ransacked various drawers for a spray bottle. Honestly, why would someone put a luxury bathroom inside of a library? What a waste of space. He eventually did find it, a half full bottle of Windex. He emptied the remaining cleaning solution into the sink and filled the bottle with water and a liberal amount of organic peppermint oil. He gathered the books in one arm and held the bottle in the other. He was getting out of here even if it killed him… Again. 

Facing the Librarian was satisfying this time. It shrieked and wailed in pain when he laid his trigger finger on his weapon. He might have laughed if he saw himself from afar. It really looked ridiculous, spraying the hell out of a giant mutant like it was a puppy being disciplined for training. The chimera’s wounds sizzled and bubbled from the peppermint mix. If Kevin had time to feel nostalgic, he would have said that it reminded him of how the leviathans reacted to Borax.

When he finally reached the front doors open, he kept running. Taking the stairs two or three at a time. He only stopped when his body told him he had gained enough distance from the library. Wobbly legs gave out only when he found a bench to catch his breath. Just a moment he told his panicked mind, he just needed a moment to rest. Kevin Tran stared up at the desert sky, and waited for his heart to stop knocking against his chest. The night sky here is not what he thought it would be, there didn’t seem to be enough stars. Where were all the stars? He should at least be able to make out the big dipper in this time of year. Not right now, he told his mind, this is something to think on another day. His thoughts drifted back on everything that had happened in the last couple hours. He honestly didn’t think he was going to make it out of there, alive anyway. That last thought hit harder than expected and he pressed his palms into recently filled eye sockets. The Winchesters were lucky as hell in his opinion, he pressed harder, at least they had each other when crazy things happened to them.

He didn’t remember most of the walk back to the studio. He only remembered staring at the path ahead.  
“Thank you Marcus, for filling us in on the conclusion of this exciting story. As always, we are so very grateful to have you on the show. It has been an honor, sir.”

Suddenly the studio doors burst open, bringing in a very agitated and battered Intern and delightful minty aroma. He stood in the doorway, a stack of books clenched protectively in his arms. Glaring at the radio host with all the emotion he had left from such a day. Cecil glanced up and waved his hand toward the radio desk.

“And now listeners, I bring you to… The Weather!”  
Kevin slowly walked across the room and unceremoniously dropped the books on Cecil’s desk.  
Negative energy seemed to crackle around the room, only Cecil seemed to not notice it. He just sat there and leafed through the pages of books he didn’t understand.  
“So. When were you going to tell me?”  
“Hmm? About what?”  
The intern lost his last reserve of patience for the other man in that moment. “About the freaking mutant spiders living in the library! About sending me on a suicide mission!”  
Cecil snapped the book shut and set it back on the table, not once looking up. “Ohh right, right. Those librarians sure are fearsome, aren’t they? Honestly, you are lucky that you only needed to escape from one.”  
“Wait, are you telling me there’s more of those things in the library?!”  
“Of course”, Cecil said with a bored roll of his third eye and finally looking up at him, “Librarians always live in packs.”

The weather faded out and Kevin sighed as he made his way in the direction of the studio kitchenette. Traumatized or not, he has been hungry since before leaving the studio. Nothing was going to stop him from making a sandwich.   
“Welcome back listeners, and good news! Just a few minutes ago Intern Kevin finally returned back from the library. Even more surprisingly, all in one piece!”

Screw it, he was going to take a nap.


End file.
